“I should go.” I said annoyingly while Jack figured out that I went out the house straightforwardly after the dinner.
“No. Please.” He grabbed my wrist.
“You’re doing too much. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t care if you’re going to tell Jasper the truth but I’m leaving now. That’s enough.” I insisted.
“Raven, I can explain.” Jack’s voice made me feel painful.
“Should I listen to you again? You’re making me out of choice over and over again.” I glanced at him.
“Sorry…but this …I can explain….” He took a long sign and continued. “As you can see, my dad had a serious car accident…and he’s not able to walk anymore…for the rest of his life… My mom tried to look like she’s happy. She’s sadder than I thought she is and she’s only trying to act like she’s strong, to conceal the truth from us, not to let us worry about her…I’m really worry about her. I’m just trying to do something to make things look fine, to make us a complete family. I’m the only supportive right now…It’s really hard…I’m sorry I tried to vandalize your ‘great’ relationship, but I’m just trying to show that I’m serious to you…am I wrong?” I saw his tears gradually emerged and dropped. I have no words to console him right now, because he’s not doing anything wrong…
Right?
I approached him slowly and patted on his back.
“Don’t …don’t cry. Your family needs you. Don’t yield to the evil forces.” I grinned while I patted on his back. His head slowly lifted up and he looked at me with his red pair of eyes.
“Thanks.” He whispered.
“I can lend you my shoulder if you want.” I smiled.
“That’s weird.” He smiled with his husky voice. “Can I hug you? Just a while, I promise.” He asked sincerely.
“Okay. Just a while” I nodded and he hugged me quickly and tightly. I can feel his tears had dropped on my shirt and the snivel voice beside my ears. For a moment, he released and stood up.
“Thanks. I appreciated.” He smiled again.
“You’re welcome.” I grinned and stood up in front of him.
“That date stuffs, I would never force you again. It’s over if you want.” He wiped the tears off his eyes.
“Oh.” I felt relieved yet surprised.
“I think you wish for that a lot huh.” He laughed erratically.
“Okay. I admit that…but it’s not that bad… You’re great.” I said sincerely.
“You’re kind. I admire him, really. And I’m thankful that…you’re once here for me.” Jack looked just like the way I had met him that night.
“Thank me for?” I said.
“Emm, thanks for not exposing in front of my parents.” He smiled.
“But you can’t hide the truth forever.” I said and frowned.
“Yea, I know that…I will tell them...later…” He looked sad but determined.
“Jack, I’ll go with you. We’ll explain together, I’m not leaving you alone.” I said and smiled. He lifted his head up and smiled. We both went into the house together and kept silence until Jack’s mom started to ignite the ambience.
“Fruits!” She came out from the kitchen with a plate of fresh tasty fruits.
“Mom…we have something to say.” Jack looked guilty and began to walk up and down in the living room.
“Oh? Don’t tell me you guys decided to marry soon?” She clapped her hand while she left the fruits on the table.
“Mom…” Jack sighed and I pulled him to stand backwards.
“I’m sorry…” Jack’s father lifted his head while he heard I apologized.
“I’m sorry that I lied… I’m not Jack’s girlfriend.” Jack sighed loudly while I said.
“Oh…” Both of them said consistently.
“I’m sorry, mom…dad…” Jack said in a mood full with extreme sadness.
“Jack wasn’t doing this in purpose. He’s just trying to make both of you felt happy for him, not to worry him anymore. He wanted to be strong, strong enough to sustain his family, his home and both of you.” I blurted out.
“We know that, Jack. We love you.” They hugged each other so warmly...
“Thank you.” Jack said as he hugged me again.
“We’re friends.” I smiled from my heart.
“I owe you once. Sorry for doing such rude things to you.”
“I must thank you. You had showed me the other side of you.” I laughed.
“Anyway, I appreciate it... If Jasper upset you, tell me. I’ll end him up.” He laughed. As Jack and I were laughing happily, I saw Jasper’s car was coming towards Jack’s house. Jack turned over and frowned.
“Did you tell him that you’re leaving?” I shook my head and frowned.
“He’s really worried about you huh. Let’s show him how great we are.” His hand hung over my shoulder and pulled me to walk beside him.
“What are you doing?” I frowned. “Don’t worry.” Jack laughed as Jasper’s car halted in front of the house and he came down from the car quickly.
“I told you not to touch her.” Jasper said seriously and shoved his hand off my shoulder. Jasper pulled me over and covered me up.
“Jas…don’t be rude. He’s your friend.” The tone of nonchalance made him turned over and stared at me.
“My friend? My friend is trying to hook my girl. How is that supposed to call a friend?” He veered towards Jack and stared at him madly.
“I guess I’ll leave to you, Raven. Bye.” Jack turned over and walked into the house. Jasper tried to fight with him but I had successfully curbing him from the fight.
“What the hell are you doing Raven?” Jasper looked mad and fierce.
“Jasper” I said softly.
“Don’t you want me to doubt on both of you again?” His eyes went wide and said.
“No…I can explain. Just let me explain.” He nodded and I explained to him thoroughly.
“What? He wanted to proof he’s better than me?” He said reluctantly.
“Jasper, all I can say is that all. But right now, it’s over.” I nodded and smile.
“Over? Are you sure about that? He promised me last time but he’s doing this again…and you’re trying to solve it yourself without discussing with me. Am I that unjustifiable?” Jasper shook his head and flings my hand away.
“Jasper! Don’t walk away from me. Listen to me…” I shouted to retain his steps but he wasn’t.
“Raven, this is too much. He’s doing these much and you’re not even stopping him. I can’t believe you’re doing this, Raven. Do you think there’s still trust between you and me?” He shook his head and hit the car with his hand hardly.
“Don’t…are you hurt?” I tried to reach out for him but he turned away.
“Don’t try to be nice. Raven, you disappointed me. I can’t believe that, I just can’t. There are a lot of chances for you to tell me the fact, but you chose to hide from me. Am I really your boyfriend? Looks like Jack were your boyfriend more than I am.” He glanced at me.
“Jasper! Do you what you’re talking?” My feelings hurt.
“Everything it’s over. It’s over!” Jasper shouted at me and pushed me away. I dropped on the pavement, on a dirty, harsh pavement. My hands scratched on the floor and started to bleed. I knew Jasper wanted to help me up, but he didn’t when he saw Jack ran out from somewhere. He dashed towards and pushed Jasper hardly.
“What the hell is going right now?” Jack yelled at Jasper and holds me up from the ground.
“Jack…” I said softly when I saw him appeared. Jasper looked even mad than before, maybe even worse than five seconds ago.
“What’s going on? It’s all about you! Why were you kept ruining my life? Did I do something bad on you!” Jasper shoved Jack and Jack moved a few steps backward.
“There’s no right or wrong in love and now, she chose you instead of me. I’m just offering another option for her, she chose you because she loved you and now you pushed her and you hurt her. You had already showed me how unworthy you are. What she did is not worth it! Raven, let’s go.” He walked towards me, trying to pull me away from Jasper.
“No!” I shouted and both of them stared at me in a sudden.
“Jack, let go off me. I’m not going with you. Jas, you promised not to let me off…what I did is for us…I was too afraid to loss you again…there’s no way I could solve it…I tried my best…not to hurt anyone…but now, I have to confront a situation to loss you again…Jas…I’m sorry….” I cried. I must have to persuade Jasper to hear me, to hear my words.
“Sorry…?” Jasper smirked and laughed erratically.
“Raven, you don’t need to explain to him. He won’t listen to you. Is that a relationship supposed to be? You don’t trust her huh, Jasper Whine? Raven, do you see how unreliable were you?” Jack pulled me towards and looked at me with an agony expression.
“It’s none of your business. Get the hell out of here, now.” Jasper said clearly at Jack.
“This is Raven’s business, so it’s mine business. I won’t let you to hurt her again as long as I’m standing right here.” Jack said.
“Jack stepped out of this.” I stood in front of Jack and pushed Jack behind me.
“Oh, protecting him huh?” Jasper said ironically.
“Jasper…” Just when I opened my mouth, Jasper already stepped into the car, prepared to leave, leaving me behind, not trusting me….
“Jasper, don’t.” I tried to chase the car but Jack held me back.
“Let me go!” I shouted at him but he was still grabbing my hand tightly
“It’s useless. Can’t you see that? How trustable you are?” Jack sighed and turned back.
“Jack…I’m sorry. You shouldn’t get involved with this.” I sighed and wiping my tears.
“No. I’m glad that I’m involved, and he’s not even worth it, Raven. Come here.” He hugged me tightly but I didn’t push him away. My tears began to drop and spread out again, uncontrollably.
“You’re back huh.” Jasper’s voice emerged behind my back. I swerved with a terrified appearance.
“Jasper…” I whispered to myself.
“I bet he hugged you but you didn’t even push him away.” He smirked with an uncomfortable eyes-contact on me. All I wanted to do right now is to solve the problem but I couldn’t speak out a word for myself.
“I’m sorry. Just leave me alone.” I said and walked upstairs without waiting for him to say anything.
“Raven? What happen?” Aunt Allie asked worriedly when she saw my tears went down uncontrollably.
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about me.” I patted on her hand and went into the room without a sound. I dashed to the bed and lied on the bed for a long time and soon I fell asleep with the tiring day which full with sadness, and tears.
I woke up when I heard a knock on the door. The knock on the door was soft and gently, I think it might be Aunt Allie because it wouldn’t be Jasper who’s knocking on my door right now.
“Raven darling? Are you sleeping?” Aunt Allie walked into my room and said gently.
“I’m awake.” I said and sniffed my nose.
“I’m so sorry about that.” She frowned and sat on the bed, looking at me worriedly.
“Are you okay?” Her hand landed on my thigh.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. How’s Jasper? Is he okay?” I frowned and asked.
“How can I not worry about you? You looked terrible. Your eyes looked swollen. You cried a long time did you? Don’t think about him. He’s a cretin. Look at your hand, it hurts you right?” Aunt Allie said and held my hand with her warm palm.
“Am I really looked that bad? I felt so guilty and sorry for him. I tried to apologize, but this time he’s not even listening to me. It’s not hurt at all, all it hurts was here.” I pointed on my chest and I tried to restraint my tears and the pain on my heart but not my hand.
“It’s okay darling. He’ll figure out soon, just have some fun this few days before you get back to Forks.” Aunt Allie smiled. It was a terrible joke, how could I have fun without the participation of Jasper?
“Thank you. I’ll be fine soon.” I smiled and she leaves the bed.
“Take a bath and clear you mind. Dinner will be ready soon.” She smiled.
“Wait, Aunt Allie. Do you think it’s okay to have dinner with Jasper?” I asked lightly.
“Of course.” She smiled and left the room. I re-lied on the bed and make a huge sigh. I felt extremely tiring after crying so much in a day in my life. I went over to my bag and lifted out the CD which I bought few weeks ago. I put into a CD player in my room and waiting for the music to scatter. The music made me relax, comfortable…it makes me forget what had happen today although it was just a short moments, but I can still feel how happy I was. My mom was one of the people who brought happiness to me, I will never forget that. Although she’s not around anymore, her memories could still be able to effect on me, a lot, and all the time.
“Raven? Come take a seat, why are you standing there like a a statue?” Mr. Whine looked at me and directed me to the seat. I can see how mad Jasper still was, I have no choice but to switch my place until we have reconcile.
“What are you doing?” Jasper stared at me while he found out I was pulling the chair far from him.
“Emm, nothing.” He stood up and pulled the chair back to the origin.
“I thought you were angry on me…” I said softly and looked down. He lifted my head up and looked into my eyes.
“Just sit. I don’t want my parents to worry about us.” He said coolly.
“What happen to both of you? Jasper did you bullied Raven? Her eyes looked so swollen…” Mr. Whine frowned.
“Nothing, Dad. We’re fine.” He grinned and implied to sit. Although Jasper treated me coolly, I still can feel he weren’t that mad at me. I saw his lips faded in one side and grinned while I sat beside him and I grinned. The dinner went by just as the same as the previous, nothing special but a little awkward. I decided to return to my room and locked myself the rest of the day.
Just then, Jasper blocked my way. I lifted my head and looked at him with curiously.
“Thanks.” He said weirdly.
“For what?” I frowned.
“Never mind. How’s your hand?” He tried to grab my hand but I dodged.
“Let me see that.” He tried again but I dodged again and again.
“It’s fine.” I grinned and started to leave.
“Can we talk?” He swerved towards and asked.
“Do you think it’s necessary?” I said but I didn’t turn to face him. Suddenly, his hand grabbed mine and pulled me out of the house.
“Raven…I’m sorry about your hand. You know… I was...” He said guiltily.
“Jas…there’s too much misunderstanding happened between us and I can’t believe that you don’t even trust me.” I said insistently.
“I know that’s my fault because I didn’t trust this on you…but…. I’m jealous and I’m too afraid to loss you.” He said.
“Isn’t me doing the same thing? Saying the same words as you did right now? But you’re not even listening to me, and you’re not even bothered about me…leaving me behind…” I spilled out.
“Ray…”
“You just turned and walked away from me. Believing on what you see…and not even giving me a chance to tell you the whole thing…Every time when things happen, the one thing you did, is that you choose not to believe in me… Am I really not that trustable? Am I not worth for you to trust? Not just a little?” I shared my feelings and my thoughts.
“Okay. I know that I should have trust you more…” He looked down
“If you did trust me at first, things wouldn’t be this bad.” I said calmly.
“I know, but I just can’t control myself.” He sighed.
“I can understand at the first time but this is the second time, you did the same thing. You suspicious on me and you don’t believe in me at all. I’m really disappointed.” I wanted to leave immediately, but I have to comfort myself to stay a little bit longer.
“I know that’s part of my fault. I have to believe you but could you imagine how hurtful it was to me to seeing you spending your time dating a guy and he’s also the one who cause us both problems.” He suddenly lifted his head and stared at me.
“Don’t you think that is a challenge? It examine the stability of our relationship…to prove how much we have been through, the reliability between us. But, the fact is, we don’t worth to have each other. There’s no trust exist on you to me, do you think this relationship would be able to go further?” This ache me so much.
“Ray…I’m really…” I stopped him before he could say ‘sorry’
“The conversation is over.” I turned my back and went into the house quickly. I knew he tried to grab me but he gave up the chance because he knew that I would have shoved his hand off and left. I knew that I would not be able to control my tears and my strength anymore, I couldn’t support myself without any supportive. The weather change just as the changes in my mind, a thunderstorm is going to happen. I don’t know when, it might me 5 seconds later, 10 seconds later, or even now. I can feel my heart was fading, panting… hyperventilating…
What decision should i make?
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